i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Randomize
