Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
