I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you win again, gameday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
