I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
4 words: hood of his car
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
