OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize