I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
