It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
