Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize