i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
