I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
