Porn is love you can see.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
