you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
