How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We got so high we made milksteak
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize