Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
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Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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