My nipple is on Facebook.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
