you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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