please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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