I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
