Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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