It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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