I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
