I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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