I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
