you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
