I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
