I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
