im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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