I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
