Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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