I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
