i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
