I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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