You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
