OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize