I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
