She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
pop tarts are not kleenex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
