Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
