you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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