Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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