My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
