its not stalking. its research.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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