Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My liver is preforming stress tests.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
