I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
