Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night

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(540): View more from Virginia

just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(607): View more from New York

I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

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(775): View more from Nevada

He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning

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(716): View more from New York

Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."

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