Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.