you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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