Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
