I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
