I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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