I think i peed on brittanys purse
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
