I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
