Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
