You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
