need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
