I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
