We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
