you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
