Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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