moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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