Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
