I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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