Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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