Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He kissed a someone with a penis
This house was built for laser tag.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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