my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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